spoon-business: Nomilogue #7 - Hu-HOO!

["Glotmorf" <glotmorf@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

{{ _And the Children Shall Lead_

[[

Change isn't necessarily a bad thing, and neither, necessarily, is no change.  Our voyages down the entropic axis were chilling at the extremity, but by definition there is an infinite amount of distance between our normality and that far end of order.

In fact, our latest trip through the Care Bears realm, while unpleasant in a sugar-cubes-with-honey sense, showed the range of possibilities, and therefore we forged onward into the areas of entropy and charm.

By adjusting for style, and by leaving the scotch at home (which the Old Man wasn't at all pleased about), we were able to navigate into a more stable realm, which, at initial observation, resembled a large picture-perfect subdivision.  We cruised over the landscape, and saw that as we travelled farther from our starting point the land looked like...a large picture-perfect subdivision.  There didn't seem to be any end to the brightly painted Cape Cods with big picture windows and yards with swings and sandboxes.

I called a couple crew forward to help me monitor multiple views from the hull cameras.  We looked for variations, edges, urban clusters, rural spreads...and found none.  It appeared to be the at least continental model of Pleasant Valley.

"People.  Down there.  Zoom in for me...?  Hm.  Looks like children playing in that back yard."

"Screen two...More children.  Something in a circle...Ring around the rosey?"

"Sir...I'm spotting movement through a picture window.  Can we navigate down to look?"

"I see them.  Are they adult?  No...more children.  They all seem happy..."

And on it went.  Children playing inside, children playing outside...and not an adult to be seen.  A world of children at play.  Which I found oddly...creepy.

"You seem to have found the realm of day care, Mr. Morf."

I shook my head. "No sir.  That would imply caregivers.  We haven't seen a single adult so far.  All we've seen is...What the hell is that?!?"

A large shape had appeared on the horizon.  It got closer, and larger.  We could see huge eyes and teeth, a massive tail, and feet bigger than houses.  It was a dinosaur of Godzilla stature, and it was...

Purple?

HU-HOO!

It was a giggle, or a hiccup, or perhaps even a mating cry.  It boomed over the ship, rattling teeth and toppling unsecured boxes.

And the source of it was coming closer.

OH, LOOK, NEW FRIENDS!  I JUST LOVE HAVING NEW FRIENDS COME AND VISIT ME!  LET ME GIVE YOU A GREAT BIG HUG!

The front view, and soon all views, were covered by purple.  A groaning resonated through the ship.

"Monty!  Status report!"

"Shields are holdin', but I canna say for how long!"

I switched on the PA.  "Hey!  Stop!  What do you want?"

OH, I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY NEW FRIENDS FEEL RIGHT AT HOME!  WE CAN PLAY AND SING SONGS AND USE OUR IMAGINATION!  DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN?

"Uh...yeah..." No, it couldn't be. "...Barney."

HU-HOO!  THIS IS GREAT!  DO YOU WANT TO SING A SONG?

"Song...?  I, uh..."

YOU DON'T KNOW ANY SONGS?  AW, DON'T FEEL SAD.  THERE'S LOTS OF SONGS I CAN TEACH YOU.  HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER.

The groaning was louder this time, and I thought I heard something start to tear.

"Wait!  Wait!  I...I know a song!"

YOU DO?

"Yeah!  It's...uh..."  Everyone in the control room stared at me, terrified and stupefied. "...it's about you!"

ABOUT ME?  OH, I JUST LOVE SONGS ABOUT ME!  LET'S HEAR IT!

]]

{{ _The Barney Realm_

Barney
He has a realm
It's a very nice place
It's entropic and charming but
Lacks booze

Style ten
B A C zip
There is no drinking here
Entropy fifty and charm is
Sixty

Barney
He likes to sing
He wants friends to sing too
If his friends can't think of songs he
Hugs them

In a
Nweek you start here
Or that you enter here
You make a poetic prop or
Get hugged

If you're
In a DimShip
Hugs are like ship gun shots
If you've no ship, when hugged you lose
Ten points

}}

[[

There was a long silence.

"Was that the absolute best you could do, Mr. Morf?" the Old Man asked tightly.

I whispered over my shoulder. "Hey, it's better than Vogon poetry."

AW, I THOUGHT THAT WAS SWELL!  DID YOU MAKE THAT UP YOURSELF?  YOU'RE REALLY SMART!  LET ME GIVE YOU A GREAT BIG...

"No, we can't do that now!  It's time to say goodbye!"

SO SOON?

"Yeah!  We're all out of time now!" I started flipping switches. "Can you sing the goodbye song?"

WHY, SURE!  AND WE'LL HAVE LOTS MORE FUN THE NEXT TIME YOU DROP BY!

I killed the PA and worked on setting a new course. "Did you want to stay and have more fun, sir?"

"I would rather be in Hell, Mr. Morf."

"Course plotted, sir."

I LOVE YOU...YOU LOVE ME...LET'S RAISE OUR ACTIVITY...

]]

}}

						Glotmorf