[Spoon-business] Cracking open a can

[Daniel Lepage <dplepage@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Rob says that we need more Grid actions that "have a noticeable effect".

I figured blowing up large chunks of terrain would be pretty noticeable.

So, it's time to crack open some cans of Whoopass!

{{
__Whoopass__

[[
It is said that the best place to begin a story is, in fact, at the 
beginning.

So we'll go back to the beginning. It looks something like this:

The nothingness would have swirled around quite spectacularly, had 
there been anything to swirl through or anyone to see. But of course 
there wasn't - that was the whole point of nothingness. And so the 
nothingness just sat there, inasmuch as it was able to given that there 
was nothing else to sit it but itself. But within this vast sea of 
nothing (or rather this not-so vast sea of nothing, as there was 
nothing outside of it to give it any sort of bounds at all, nor nothing 
inside of it to give it any substance, nor anything... well, you get 
the point. There was nothing there.) Anyway, within this nothing there 
wasn't a point. Not particularly a point of anything, just a point that 
wasn't in the middle of nothing.
The Beginning.
And suddenly, the Nomiverse began. All the matter that would one day 
make up the Grid, the Players, the Players, the Rules, the Proposals, 
all of it sprang from this lack of a point in a cacaphonous explosion, 
billowing outward into the nothingness like a parachute unfolding 
behind a drag racer going 200 mph, or at least behind an SUV breaking 
the speed limit.

Actually, it didn't happen at all like that - there was a slight 
*poof*, and it all just sort of appeared - but it would have been a lot 
cooler that way.

Anyway, the point is that the beginning is not a particularly good 
place to begin - it's rather boring, and not a lot happens for a rather 
long time.

We shall begin, then, at a much later point, after the Grid, after 
Football, after even the Statue and Armies came into being. 
Specifically, we will begin partway through nweek 34, in a small 
weapons testing facility underneath the grid.

It is a relatively new weapons testing facility, the older one having 
been destroyed some six ndays earlier by one of its more recent 
concotions, so the floors were still clean, the coffee machine still 
worked, and the two-foot thick steel walls around the main detonation 
chamber were still at least six inches thick in most places.

With the smooth swish of new machinery, the elevator's doors opened, 
and Wonko came through. E glanced around at the gaggle of scientists 
around em with a look verging on distaste.

"Well?"
One of the scientists stepped forward. E was wearing a somewhat singed 
lab coat,  and something that looked suspiciously like a handle-less 
pot over eir blackened hair, with a barely legible name tag that read 
"Anal".
"Well, sir, we think we've discovered something useful..."
Wonko stared at the potlike hat. "Anal?"
The scientist turned slightly red.
"It's a, uh, typo, sir. My name is Alan, sir."
"I see. What have you got to show me, then, Alan?"

Alan gestured towards the door on the far side of the chamber. "This 
way, sir."

They walked over to the enormous steel door that separated the entrance 
hall from the main detonation chamber. Alan pushed a few buttons, and 
put eir face up to the hole that suddenly opened in the wall.
Wonko leaned forward to look at the hole. "What's that?"
"Retinal scan," replied the scientist as the door started to twist 
open, "We don't want anyone unauthorized to get in here."

They stepped forward through the widening doorway. Wonko stopped. And 
stared.

The room was easily five squares in every direction, and every inch of 
it was covered with scientists, engineers, and equipment. Like an 
anthill, the room was filled with causeways, catwalks, and rails, with 
people in white coats, black jumpsuits, even the occasional blue hat of 
the programming division, bustling back and forth throughout the room.

But the most impressive thing was in the very center of the room, three 
squares high, at least a square across.

It was an ancient Monolith. The runes carved in the sides shifted and 
swirled as they pulsed blue with stored entropy. Wires and pipes 
surrounded it, winding up and down, sometimes seeming to go through the 
Monolith itself. Along one batch of wires which projected from the top 
down to a funny machine in the corner flowed a thin stream of the 
crackling blue glow. The machine was shaking slightly.

It seemed to be vending out cans of beer.

"Excellent, I've been looking for a good drink." Wonko grabbed one of 
the cans and reached for the pop-tab. The room fell silent. The nearby 
engineers dove for cover.

Wonko paused, eir fingers on the tab.

"You might not want to do that, sir," said Alan, in a shaky voice.

"Why not?" asked Wonko levelly.

"Um, that's a, uh, there's, uh, you're holding enough energy to, uh, to 
obliterate the room."

"Really." Wonko slowly lowered the can, and put it back on the pile. 
The room relaxed. "What, exactly, was I just holding?"

"We're calling them Cans of Whoopass, sir. They're beer cans, sir. Full 
of Entropy."

"And how exactly is this useful to me?"

Alan pulled out a small video chip and handed it to em. Wonko raised an 
eyebrow, and plugged the chip into eir PDA. E watched it for a moment.

"Where did this happen?"

"That was our old research lab, sir."

"'Was'?"

"Was, sir."

"I see. So tell me, how exactly do these work?"

Alan handed em a folder. Wonko opened it and looked at the diagram. E 
read the report below it:
]]
A. Whoopass

There exist Throwable, Carryable MOs called Cans of Whoopass. When Can 
of Whoopass lands on a square without being caught, it is Cracked Open 
upon that square. This causes the can to be destroyed, the square to 
become Fire, all objects on the square which are not required by the 
rules to exist to be destroyed, and all other objects on the square to 
be thrown Elbonia-Style at that square.
[[
"That's all?"

"Well... uh... yes... but... uh..."

"I'm just joking, this will be more than adequate for my purposes. If 
the production costs aren't too high, that is..."

"Production is on the next sheet."

Wonko flipped the page.
"There is no next sheet."

Alan blinked. "Oh, right." E opened a small filing cabinet in the 
corner and pulled out another sheet.
]]
B. Harvesters

Entropy Harvesters are an Improvement. Harvesters cost 300 BNS, and may 
only be built on squares containing Ancient Monoliths. Every nweek, if 
the monolith a Harvester is built on contains 6 or more points of 
Entropy, the monolith's stored entropy decreases by 5 and a Can of 
Whoopass is created in the Harvester's possession. The owner of a 
Harvester may cause a Can of Whoopass possessed by said Harvester to be 
moved to any location adjacent to the Harvester by declaring so in a 
Public Forum [[ So you can pick up the cans from anywhere around it, or 
deposit them to let other people pick them up ]].

When an Ancient Monolith is destroyed, the Harvester on it is 
destroyed, if one exists. When a Harvester is destroyed, all Cans of 
Whoopass in it are Cracked Open.
[[
Wonko closed the folder.
"Yes, I can see how this could be useful...." e mused. "Good job. Keep 
up the good work."

"Thank you, sir."

Wonko looked at the Harvester in the center of the cavern one last 
time, then turned around and headed for the elevator, to return to the 
Grid Proper.
]]
}}

--
Wonko

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