Re: spoon-business: Roast the PIG

[Eric Gerlach <egerlach@xxxxxxxxxx>]

> The PIG ate Proposal 471/0 (Only running is boring III). Shame, that, as
> it would've passed unanimously.

Ooooh.... that really gets my feckles up.

At 11:11 PM 2002-03-25 -0500, you wrote:
> I propose: __Roast the PIG__
>
> {{
> Rule two sixty one
> shall be repealed, and the PIG
> shall exist no more.
> }}
>
> [[ Come on, we all hate it and go to great lengths to work around it. ]]

Aww.... I was gonna propose that.... Just my luck for watching a DVD as the 
nweekly report comes in. :(

Oh well.  Here's the THIRD TIME I propose this.

PROPOSAL #1
===========

{{
__Only running is boring IV: Bean f***ing hates the PIG.  Die die die, you 
blasted thing__

Create the following rule:
{{
__Pass! I'm open!__

If no player on eir team has already done so in the current nweek, the 
Player in posession of the Football may choose to Pass the Football.  To 
make a Pass, a player announces eir intention to do so in a public forum, 
and indicates a Player who is playing football to recieve the Pass.  If the 
indicated Player is able to recieve the Pass according to the rules, the 
Football is immediately placed in the posession of the recieving 
Player.  There are two types of Passes:  Forward Passes and Lateral Passes.

A Pass is a Forward Pass if and only if the recieving Player is closer to 
eir end-zone (measured using the x-coordinate) than the passing 
Player.  The recieving Player for a Forward Pass must be within 7 units of 
the Player making the Pass.  A Player may only make a Forward Pass if e is 
no closer to eir end-zone than the Line of Scrimmage for the current Drive.

All Passes which are not Forward passes are Lateral Passes.  The recieving 
Player of a Lateral Pass must be within 4 units of the Player making the Pass.
}}

}}

Let's try what will likely be a more acceptable solution to the tele-tackle 
problem:

PROPOSAL #2
===========
{{
__Ow! That's gotta hurt!__

Revise rule 394 in the folllowing manner:

- Replace the text: "The player making the tackle immediately moves to the 
same location as the player being tackled." with the text "The player 
making the tackle immediately moves to a random, vacant location adjacent 
to the player being tackled (within one unit, measured by Cartesian 
metric).  If no such location exists, the tackling player is immediately 
placed into Limbo."
}}

And just because I'm bitter:

PROPOSAL #3
===========

{{
__Bean is SOOOOO f***ing bitter__

Bean gains the attribute "Bitter, very, very Bitter".

If the PIG exists [[and it had better not, it obviously doesn't like 
football]], it gains the Attributes "Exploded into little, itty bitty 
pieces" and "Dead" (in that order).

If the proposal entitled "Roast the PIG" passed, Bean gains the attribute 
"Satiated"

Give all points that would have been gained by any player for this 
proposal's passage as per Rule 32 to the Gremlin Fund.

Decrement Bean's Charm by one. [[ You don't get to be charming just for 
being bitter ]]

Bean gains one point.  [[ I deserve *something* for this ]]
}}

REVISION #1
===========

Revise proposal 491 in the following manner:

- Replace the text: "until it has Killed as many players as it was allowed 
to, as per the amount it was paid" with the text "until it has either 
Killed as many players as it was allowed to, as per the amount it was paid; 
or until it has Killed all players that voted on any of the proposals named 
when The Voter Colonel was asked to Purge the Ballot Box"  [[ Basically, 
now if you're not careful you'll kill yourself if you're trying to make a 
proposal pass ]]

- Replace the text: "While a Player has the attribute "Dead", that player 
is not eligible to vote. This rule supercedes rules 20 and 30 in this 
regard. In addition, e is not considered to have voted during the nweek e 
was Killed for purposes of counting votes. This rule supercedes rule 32 in 
this regard." with the text "A player is not considered to have voted 
during the nweek e was Killed for purposes of counting votes.  This rule 
supercedes rule 32 in this regard."

PROPOSAL #4
===========

And now that I'm feeling dismal, I think I'll make a grim proposal:

{{
__Grandpa, that's Maggie__

Create a rule:
{{
__Death__

If a Player has the Attribute "Dead":
- E is not eligible to vote.  This rule supercedes rules 20 and 30 in this 
regard;
- E may not move on The Grid.  This rule supercedes rules 301 and 394 in 
this regard;
- E may not fly Elbonian Airways. This rule supercedes rule 351 in this regard;
- If e is carrying the Football, a player within one unit of im (Cartesian 
Metric) may pick up the Football.  This rule supercedes rule 394 in this 
regard.

If a Gremlin has the Attribute "Dead", it is considered to be in Hiding.
}}

[[ That's all for now.  I didn't want to make being dead *too* bad... you 
can still propose and stuff ]]
}}

And yes, that's right.  I plan on killing people.  This feeling will likely 
subside in the next 30 minutes.... but for now I'm feeling evil.

And because my proposals are in early... and the gremlin number is 113, if 
anyone proposes anything, I'm safe, and if not, it's only Death that dies. 
(Ironic, no?)

Bean