Eric Gerlach on 22 Mar 2002 23:45:09 -0000

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spoon-business: The Voter Colonel

I think it's time I take advantage of this prose thingy... well, here's
one that'll scare ya, but I think it's balanced, and it'll keep us all
guessin.....  I'm gettin it out early for criticism's sake.  I have a
feeling it's gonna get a lot.

__Keeping the ballot boxes safe for democracy__

"And put it in the box... there, we're done!"

With voting out of the way I began to head back home.  Coming out of the
polling station I passed a man in a long black trenchcoat.  All I could
see of him besides that were the red embers of his lit cigarette.  As I
passed him he stepped out and put his arm around me.  "So, how did you
vote on proposal 872?" he asked.

"I don't think that's any business of yours, I don't have to tell you how
I voted!" I retorted, insulted that someone would trample on my precious
civil liberties.

"Voter, it is in the interest of democracy that you tell me how you voted.
To not do so would be admitting that you are an enemy of democracy," he
gently persuaded as we walked down the avenue.

It had begun to rain.  That fact just made me more bitter.  "Listen," I
said, "I don't know who you are but you'd better leave me alone.  Under
who's authority are you asking me these dumb questions?"

"The Voter Colonel, of course."

"Yes, the Voter Colonel.  You see..."

Create a rule:
__The Voter Colonel__

There exists a Gremlin known as The Facist Gremlin, also known as The
Voter Colonel.  If The Voter Colonel is Active, a player may pay it to
"Purge the Ballot Box," and name one or more proposals that are on the
current ballot, whether e wants each of those proposals to pass or fail,
and how many people the Voter Colonel may kill in order to accomplish his

The Player may pay The Voter Colonel to Purge the Ballot Box by announcing
eir intention to do so in a public forum, or by privately sending a
message to The Administrator.  If a player messages The Administrator
privately (to pay The Voter Colonel), The Administrator may not divulge
any information regarding the transaction, including but not limited to:
The name of the player, the amount e paid, or the fact that The Voter
Colonel has been paid.  However, The Administrator may update other
records to keep them in synchronisation with the game state.

The cost to have The Voter Colonel Purge the Ballot Box is (the number of
proposals named) * (the number of people The Voter Colonel may kill) * 50
points. [[ "Democracy" comes at a price ]]

Only one Player may ask The Voter Colonel to Purge the ballot box per
nweek.  If a Player does so after another Player has already done so, the
points are transferred as if e were the first Player to do so, but The
Voter Colonel does not act on this payment.

If it has been asked to Purge the Ballot Box, before votes are counted at
the end of an nweek, The Voter Colonel looks at all the votes that have
been cast, computes a "Friend of Democracy" number for each player, and
repeatedly Kills the player with the lowest Friend of Democracy number who
is not already Dead until it has Killed as many players as it was allowed
to, as per the amount it was paid.  Friend of Democracy numbers are not
Attributes or Dimensions, and are only applicable for the scope of this

The Friend of Democracy numbers are computed as follows:
- The number begins at 0.
- For each proposal that was desired to pass, and on which the player made
an affirmative vote, add one to the number.
- For each proposal that was desired to pass, and on which the player made
an negative vote, subtract one from the number.
- For each proposal that was desired to fail, and on which the player made
an affirmative vote, subtract one from the number.
- For each proposal that was desired to fail, and on which the player made
an negative vote, add one to the number.
- Abstentions do not affect the number.

When a Player is Killed by The Voter Colonel, e gains the Attribute "Dead"
for one nweek and one nday.  While a Player has the attribute "Dead", that
player is not eligible to vote.  This rule supercedes rules 20 and 30 in
this regard.  In addition, e is not considered to have voted during the
nweek e was Killed for purposes of counting votes.  This rule supercedes
rule 32 in this regard.

The Voter Colonel becomes active at the beginning of the voting period of
any nweek where the Gremlinometer is less than 6.  The Voter Colonel goes
into Hiding at the end of every nweek.

If the Voter Colonel is thrown in the context of Gremball, it Kills both
the thrower and the Player it was thrown at. [[ Facists don't like
GremBall ]]



"You're kidding!" I exclaimed, "There's no way such a thing could exist!"

"Oh, but there is... now, how did you vote on Proposal 872?" he calmly
asked again.

"Um.... no?" I cautiously replied, hoping that all that practice running
in football would save me.  He wrapped his arm tighter around me.

"That's too bad, voter.  Come with me to the Ministry of Alteration."

I tried to run, but he closed his arm tight around my shoulders and lifted
my feet off the ground.  I heard and felt my shoulders pop.  The barrel of
a gun pressed into my side.  An uzi, if my senses served me correctly.

"Ministry of Alteration?"  I asked.


"And what happens there?"

"Well, at the Ministry of Alteration, we alter alive people... into dead

"I see," I replied slowly.

As the needle pierced my arm and I fell asleep, I knew it was going to be
a long night.