Wonko on 28 Jun 2002 00:42:03 -0000

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[Spoon-business] Proposal

Oh, hey, the nweek's over. Next!

[[Okay, here's a Less is More of the Grid. A few things are different from
the rules they're being taken from:

It's now possible for an object to be carryable but not throwable.
The idea of a 'toad' is now slightly more defined, and can be thrown.
All of the basic def'n stuff now defers to other rules (so you could define
a carryable object which, for example, could only be thrown at even-numbered
squares, or could only be carried by Football players, etc.)

__Neatening Up: The Grid__

Amend r301 to be:

__The Grid__

A. Definitions 

A.1. The Grid

There exists an environment known as the Grid. The Grid is composed of
units, or Squares. The Grid is 20 units wide by 20 units tall. The units are
numbered from 1 to 20 horizontally (the x axis) and 1 to 20 vertically (the
y axis). Each unit on the Grid can be expressed as an (x,y) coordinate
location, with (1,1) in the lower left-hand corner, and (20,20) in the upper

A.2. Grid Objects

There exist objects called Grid Objects. A Grid Object is any object which
can occupy a square of the Grid. All Grid Objects must be either Mobile
Objects (MOs) or Stationary Objects (SOs or Immobile objects), and must be
either Impassable or Passable.

A Grid Object is a MO if it is capable of making a Move. Otherwise, it is a
SO. A Move is a step between two consecutive squares. Two squares are
consecutive if both their x and y coordinates differ by no more than 1.

If a MO tries to Move to a square which cannot be moved to [[like if it
tries to move off the Grid, or into an Impassable object]], it fails to

If a Grid Object is Impassable, then no other Grid Object may enter the
square it occupies unless a rule explicitly permits those two objects to

All Grid Objects are Passable MOs unless otherwise specified.

A.3 Grid Squares

Each Grid Square has two attributes called Substance and Depth.
Substance describes the material of which the square is made.

Depth describes square's distance beneath the main body of the Grid. Depth
is expressed in integers.

A.3.1 Properties of Squares

All squares are of substance Turf if no other substance has been given to

If a square of Substance of Earth becomes Wet, its substance becomes Mud.

When a player enters a square of Fire, e loses 2d5 points.

Squares may be Wet, Frozen, or neither. If the temperature is below zero
degrees Celcius, all Wet squares become Frozen. If the temperature is above
zero degrees Celcius, all Frozen squares become Wet. If the temperature is
above 20 degrees Celcius, all Wet squares cease to be Wet.

When a MO enters a Frozen square from any consecutive square, it is
immediately moved an additional unit in the same direction, if possible.

B. Players on the Grid

Units of the Grid may be occupied by Players. Players are either on the Grid
or off the Grid. A Player who is off the Grid is located in Limbo. A Player
who is on the Grid will have a location expressed by the (x,y) coordinate
location of the unit e occupies. Each Player may occupy only one unit at a

B.1. Entrance

Initially, all Players are in Limbo. A Player may enter the Grid by
announcing on a public Forum that e will enter the Grid at a particular
(x,y) coordinate location. A Player may enter the Grid at any legal
location. Once a player has entered the Grid, e shall be considered on the
Grid. Once a player is on the Grid, e may only leave the Grid [[e.g. change
his status to "off the Grid"]] or move to other units on the Grid in a
manner prescribed by the rules. A Player cannot enter the Grid if there are
fewer than two unoccupied locations on the Grid.

Players are Passable MOs, except that no two players may ever occupy the
same square.

B.2. Movement

Once per nweek, any Player on the Grid may announce that e intends to move
to a new (x,y) coordinate location. Unless otherwise prescribed by the
rules, Players may only move from eir current location to any of the units
surrounding eir current location. [[E.g. the x and y coordinates of a
player's location may only be increased or decreased by 1 each nweek.]]
Moves on the Grid happen when they are recognized by the Administrator, in
the order in which they were recognized by the Administrator. If a Player
attempts to move into a unit which e may not occupy, eir Move fails and e
remains in eir current location.

B.3. Inventory

Some Grid Objects may be designated by the rules as carryable. Only Passable
MOs may be carryable. If a player occupies the same grid location as a
carryable object, e may pick that object up, in which case the object is
transferred to eir possession. When a player moves, all eir possessions
travel with em. Any player holding a carryable object may drop it, in which
case it leaves eir possession and is placed at the location of the dropping
player. If a player leaves the grid, e first drops all carryable objects in
eir possession.

B.4. Throwing

Some Grid Objects may be designated by the rules as throwable. Only
carryable objects may be throwable. If a player has a throwable object in
eir possession, e may throw it at any Grid location. That object is said to
be Airborne, and is not considered to be in any Grid location or in Limbo,
for two ndays. At the end of the two ndays, the following occurs:

If the square thrown at (the Target) contains an Impassable object, the
thrown object is placed in a random legal location consecutive to the
Target. If no such locations exist, the object moves to the nearest legal
location to the Target.

If the square thrown at contains a player, and that player has, as an Action
in a public forum, declared that e will catch the object in question, then
that player catches the object and it enters eir possession.

If the square thrown at contains a player, but that player has not declared
that e will catch the object, then e is hit by the object, losing 1d4 points
to the player who threw the object, if one exists, or to the Gremlin Fund,
if not.

If the square does not contain a player or an impassable object, the object
moves to the square.

C. Deference

This section, and all sections preceding it in this rule, defer to any and
all rules or sections of rules which contradict it.

D. Elbonian Airways

There exist passable SOs called Elbonian Airways. Every square of the Grid
which has x and y coordinates that are both integral multiples of 6 is said
to contain an Elbonian Airways. If a player is in a square which contains an
Elbonian Airways, e may pay 2+2n points to be Thrown Elbonia-Style at any
other square which contains an Elbonian Airways, where n is the 5th Gremlin

D.1 Elbonian Throws

The term Being Thrown Elbonia-Style at a square shall refer to the

The Object is moved to a square with coordinates (x+a-3,y+b-3), where x and
y are the x and y coordinates of the square being Thrown at, and a and b are
both 1d5. If an object, after being Thrown, ends up on a square which is
occupied by an Impassable Object, it loses 5 points if it is a player and is
Thrown at that square.

If an Object, after being Thrown, ends up on a square which is off the Grid,
e Falls Off the Edge, or Falls. When a player Falls, e loses 10 points and
is Thrown at a random Square whose coordinates are both less than 15 but
greater than 5, unless e has not landed in a legal square since the last
time e Fell, in which case e loses 8 points and goes into Limbo. When
another object Falls, it is placed on a randomly selected legal grid square.

E. Uncarryable Grid Objects

E.1 Big Rocks

There exist Impassable SO's called Big Rocks. Big Rocks may be purchased to
put on the Grid. When one is purchased, the purchasing entity may either
specify the target location of the Big Rock at a cost of 10+5d3 points, or
allow the Big Rock to be placed randomly at a cost of 5+5d3 points.

A Big Rock must be placed in a vacant location on the Grid, or in the same
location as another Big Rock.

If a Big Rock is placed in the same location as another Big Rock, all Grid
Objects on that location are destroyed, including both Rocks, and the
location becomes vacant.

A Big Rock cannot be placed in a vacant location on the Grid if the number
of vacant locations is less than two.

If a player purchases a Big Rock, and the calculated cost for the Big Rock
is more points than the purchasing Player has, or if a Big Rock cannot be
placed in the location the purchasing Player specified, the purchasing
Player loses points up to and including the cost of the Big Rock (not to
exceed all eir points) and the Big Rock is not purchased.

E.2 Sirens

E.2.1 Creation

There exist Impassable Stationary Objects called Sirens. Sirens are Female.

When a Big Rock is placed on the Grid, the Administrator will roll 1d6 to
determine the presence of a Siren on that Big Rock. If a 6 is rolled, a
Siren is placed on the Big Rock. The Administrator will assign a name to
each new Siren and post the name and location of the Siren (and eir Rock) to
the Grid webpage or a public forum.

E.2.2 ZOE's and ZATR's

Players in any Grid square immediately adjoining a Siren's Zone of
Enchantment (either horizontally, vertically, or diagonally) are in the
Siren's Zone of Almost-Total Rapture (ZATR). Players in a Siren's ZATR may
only move to Grid squares in that Siren's ZATR or Grid squares in that
Siren's ZOE.

Players in any Grid square immediately adjoining a Siren (either
horizontally, vertically, or diagonally) are in the Siren's Zone of
Enchantment (ZOE). Players in a Siren's ZOE may only move to other Grid
Squares in that Siren's ZOE.

E.2.3 Lovemaking

If a player is in the same Siren's ZOE at the end of 2 consecutive nweeks,
that player may elect to Make Love to the Siren by posting this action in a
public forum. Making Love to a Siren removes the Siren from the Grid. When a
player Makes Love to a Siren, the administrator will roll 1d3. If the result
is a 3, that player becomes a Toad for 4 nweeks.

[[To put it simply, if you're in the ring of 9 squares around the Siren, you
can't leave that ring. If you're in the ring of 16 squares around that, you
can only move in that ring or move to the inner ring.]]

E.2.4 Bait

There exist Yves St. Laurent Designer Bags Filled with Expensive Name-brand
Cosmetics, also known as Siren Bait. Players can buy Siren Bait for 10

A Player can place Siren Bait on a Big Rock not otherwise occupied by a
Siren if e is standing next to it. Beginning with the following nweek, at
the beginning of each nweek until the Bait is taken or ruined, 1d(3*N) is
rolled, where N is the number of nweeks since the Bait was placed. If a 1 is
rolled, the Bait is taken, and a Siren moves onto the Rock.

If the Bait is not taken within 1d5 nweeks of being placed, the Bait becomes
ruined from exposure and is destroyed.

When a Female Cheerleader is in a Grid square immediately adjoining a piece
of Siren Bait (either horizontally, vertically, or diagonally), the
Cheerleader may only move within those squares. The effect is similar to a
Siren's Zone of Enchantment. However, Balls of Wax do not protect against
Siren Bait, and Cheerleaders cannot roll to escape the Zone.

The Cheerleader may attempt to take the Bait by declaring that e is doing so
in a public forum. The Administrator rolls 1d6. If an even number is rolled,
the Cheerleader takes the Bait. Once in eir possession, the Siren Bait
becomes a Purse. If the Cheerleader makes 3 unsuccessful attempts to take
the Bait, the ZOE effect no longer applies.

If a Siren appears where there is Siren Bait, and a Cheerleader is adjacent
to that Siren Bait, a Catfight ensues. 1d20 is rolled for the Cheerleader
and for the Siren. Whoever gets the higher score wins the Catfight. If the
Cheerleader wins, the Siren disappears and the Cheerleader takes possession
of the Bait. If the Siren wins, the Cheerleader goes into Limbo.

E.2.5 Other

If a Female Player enters the area that would be considered a Siren's ZATR,
1d10 is rolled. On a roll of 1, the Player may move freely, as if the Siren
does not exist, until e leaves the Siren's ZATR.

A player under the influence of a Siren may not choose to drop a Big Rock on
that Siren's square.

E.3 The Yeti

There exists an entity called the Yeti. At the start of the 1st nday of each
nweek, the Yeti moves three times, each time to a random square which is not
more than 8 units from the square e is in. When the Yeti leaves a square,
that square becomes Frozen.

F. Carryable Objects

F.1 Toads

Certain events may cause a player to become a Toad. Toads are Carryable,
Throwable, Passable MOs.
While a player is a Toad, the following is true:
Other players may occupy the same location as em.
E may not pick up, catch, or throw objects.
E may not make a move of eir own free will.
E may not use Elbonian Airways.
E is unaffected by Bonus Boxes.
If a player is carrying a Toad, and e would lose points as a result of a
Bonus box, the effects of that box are applied to the Toad instead. If the
player is carrying more than one Toad, one is selected at random.

If a player ceases to be a Toad while in the possession of another player,
or on the same grid square as another non-Toad player, the player who was a
Toad leaves the possession of all players and is Thrown Elbonia-Style at eir
If a Toad is airborne, and e ceases to be a Toad, e is immediately Thrown
Elbonia-Style at the location e was headed for.

When a player becomes a Toad, e drops all eir carryable objects.

F.2 The Big Stick

There exists a Passable, Carryable MO called the Big Stick. If at any time
there is no Big Stick, the Big Stick is placed on a random legal square.

If a player has a Big Stick, e may use it to administer a Whack to a Player
or a Gremlin in an adjacent square. After administering the Whack, the Big
Stick vanishes from the Player's possession and reappears at a random legal
location on the grid.

When a Player receives a Whack, e is knocked two squares away from the
Player with the Big Stick. The Player who has been hit receives the
attribute Dizzy, which lasts until the end of the nweek.

When a Gremlin receives a Whack, it is knocked off the Grid and receives the
attribute Dizzy. It is placed on the Grid again on a random legal square at
the end of the current nweek, if it is Active at that time.

F.3 The Shield 

There exists a Passable, Carryable MO called the Shield. If at any time
there is no Shield, the Shield is placed on a random legal square.

If a player possesses the Shield, and e is Whacked by the Big Stick or Shot
with a Pinball Gun, the Whacking/Shooting player is moved two spaces away
from the player with the Shield, who is not moved, and the Shield is then

F.4 Balls of Wax

There exist Passable, Throwable, Carryable MOs called Balls of Wax. At the
beginning of each nweek, a Ball of Wax is placed on a random legal Grid

If a Ball of Wax is thrown towards a player who has the Big Stick, e may
Whack the Ball of Wax, causing it to cease to be Airborne and be placed on a
random legal Grid Square.

Any player with a Ball of Wax may Stuff the wax into eir ears as protection
against the wiles of the Sirens. As long as the player has wax in eir ears,
e gains the attribute Deaf. Deaf players are unaffected by Sirens.

After escaping a Siren's ZOE and ZATR or after 1 nweek, whichever comes
first, any player with wax in eir ears must remove the wax, which then
becomes a Ball of Earwax and gains the attribute Disgusting. Balls of Earwax
are Balls of Wax, but may not be used to stuff in ears. A Ball of Earwax,
when thrown at a player, cannot be caught. It explodes on impact, being
destroyed in the process, and the player who has been hit gains the
attribute Icky for 1d3 ndays. If a player hits the Ball of Earwax with the
big stick, the Ball of Earwax explodes and is destroyed, but the bits fall
harmlessly to the ground.

G. Other Stuff

G.1 Radar

Each player has an attribute called Radar. All players initially have a
Radar of 2. If a square containing a Bonus Box is within x squares of a
player, where x is that player's Radar, then the admin shall reveal where
the Bonus Box is, but not what type of Box it is.

G.2 Radar Towers

There exist objects called Radar Towers. Any player who occuppies a square
that does not already contain a Radar Tower may pay 8 points to Build a
Radar Tower on that square. Radar Towers are immovable, passable objects.
Any player who occupies a square containing a Radar Tower is treated as if
eir Radar is 3 greater than it actually is. The previous sentence does not
apply to this section.

G.3 Pinball Guns

Any player who does not have a Pinball Gun may buy one for 2 points. If a
player is on the Grid, and e has a Pinball Gun, e may Fire the Gun at any
square consecutive to eir position. If there is a MO in that square, that MO
moves twice in the direction opposite the one from which it was Fired at,
unless another rule prevents this.

When a player fires a Pinball Gun, e loses it.


Repeal the following rules:

Rule 346/2
Big Rocks
Rule 348/4
The Yeti
Rule 349/0
Grid Objects
Rule 350/0
Pinball Guns
Rule 351/1
Elbonian Airways
Rule 352/0
i said i've got a big stick
Rule 353/0
Last Revision: nweek 7.
Rule 356/3
Sexy Sirens On The Rocks
Rule 401/1
A Whole New Ball Of Wax
Rule 466/1
Rule 494/1
Siren Bait
Rule 577/1
Radar Towers
The rule entitled Carrying Stuff
The rule entitled Throwing Stuff



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