[Spoon-business] Oooh! Bigger Guns!

[Daniel Lepage <dplepage@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I propose:
{{
__Oh Boy, Barney's On Fire!__

[[

The phone rang.

Nothing happened.

The phone continued to ring.

The sheets shifted, and a dazed face peered out.

Glotmorf looked at the phone blearily.
He looked over at the clock, then back to the phone. It was still 
ringing.

He looked at the clock again. It was still two in the morning.

He wasn't sure why he felt so bad, but he was sure there must a reason. 
He thought it had something to do with... what was it?... something 
about a little kid. And Barney. And beer. Yes, he remembered the beer. 
Whatever he had been doing definitely had something to do with beer.

Speaking of which, he could use one right about now... He reached for 
the mini-fridge.

The phone was still ringing.

He paused, his hand on the fridge door.

The ringing stopped.

He stared at it for a moment, then shrugged and started to pull open 
the fridge.

The phone rang.

Glotmorf looked back at it sharply.

Silence.

He turned back to the fridge and opened it. There wasn't any beer left.

The phone rang again.

He kicked the bedside table. The phone flew off and hit the wall with a 
resounding *thud*. And a ring.

With a sigh he stumbled out of bed to the phone and picked up the 
reciever.
"Whaddaya want?" he said grumpily.

"Remember how Frank told you that R&D hadn't come up with anything on 
Barney?" came Wonko's voice.

"Wonko, it's two in the morning!" Glotmorf paused. "Wait a sec... How 
the hell do you know what Frank told me?"

"You published it."

"Oh. Right." Glotmorf shook his head to try to clear it. "So what's so 
important about that that ya couldn't wait 'til tomorrow?"

"Well, that's not exactly true."

There was silence for a moment.

"When you say, "that's not exactly true"," Glotmorf began slowly, "Do 
you mean that the fact that it couldn't wait 'til tomorrow isn't true, 
or the fact that R&D hasn't come up with anything isn't true?"

"R&D hasn't come up with anything."

"It hasn't? Or that's the part that wasn't true?"

"Right."

"Wonko, do you have something designed for Barney or did you wake me up 
at two just for fun? Think carefully before you answer, I'm the one 
manufacturing guns here."

"We do."

"You do what?"

"We have something for Barney."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Glotmorf stared at the phone for a moment. He wondered how hard it 
would be to get one of the other players to find Wonko and kill him.

"Well, what have you got for Barney?"

"The Keros class ElectroMotive Surface-to-Barney Explosive. We've been 
calling it the KEMOSABE."

"What is it?"

"It's basically a can of Whoopass."

"A can of Whoopass."

"Yes."

"You called me at two in the morning to tell me you've invented 
something we already have?"

"Well, it's more than just a can."

There was a pause.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Enjoying what?" came Wonko's voice.

"Never mind. Just tell me what you've invented and what it does."

"Okay, it looks like this:"
His voice became slightly mechanical, as if he were reading off of 
something.

{{
Add the following upgrade to the list of upgrades in rule 1075 (section 
B):
{{
Name----------------BNS--RUs-Size-Rev--Ext
KEMOSABE Turret-----240--30--.5---Yes--Yes
KEMOSABE Missile----40---3---.1---Yes--No
}}

Add the following text to the end of section B.1 of that rule:
{{
A Speeder may be equipped with up to 20 KEMOSABE Missiles.
The owner of a Speeder with KEMOSABE Missiles may, if e is in said 
Speeder, put a Can of Whoopass into any KEMOSABE Missile that isn't 
armed; doing so arms the Missile in question.
A Speeder with a KEMOSABE Turret may launch KEMOSABE Missiles that it 
has in any of eight directions - N,S,E,W,NE,NW,SE,SW. This removes the 
Missile from the speeder and places it directly on the Grid. KEMOSABE 
Missiles are passable MOs. Every two ndays, each KEMOSABE missile that 
has been launched moves two additional spaces in the direction it was 
launched in. KEMOSABE Missiles may enter squares occupied by Impassable 
Objects. If a KEMOSABE Missile is targeted by a Standard Abuse or a 
Speeder Weapon, or if it enters a Grid Square which contains a player, 
speeder, Barney, or an Impassable Object, it Detonates; this destroys 
the missile and causes the Can of Whoopass it contains, if any, to be 
cracked open at the location where this happened.

[[
"And how exactly does this help the Barney problem?"

"Hold on, I'm getting to that:"
]]
When an armed KEMOSABE Missile Detonates on a square containing Barney, 
Barney becomes On Fire. When this happens, Barney immediately moves as 
if it were the beginning of a new nweek. While Barney is On Fire, every 
square e enters becomes of substance Fire. If Bareny has been On Fire 
for more than two ndays, e Goes Away; Barney returns in 3 nweeks.
}}
}}
[[
"3 nweeks isn't all that long, Wonko."

"Well, no, but it's a lot cheaper than sacking a speeder."

"Depends on the Speeder."

"Look, do you want us to start making these or not?"

Glotmorf looked out his window at the Grid. The sun was just beginning 
to rise, highlighting the smooth hills, the long stretches of turf. In 
the far distance, the enormous figure of a dinosaur was silhouetted 
against the dawn.

He smiled.

"Send your plans to the factories. Tell them to start production."
]]
}}

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