Alex Truelsen on 29 Mar 2002 19:42:08 -0000

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Re: spoon-business: CFJ

Well, this isn't good. Okay, then, I'm going to try this:

{__If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving is Not For You__

Copper sat at er shiny new desk, awaiting er first assignment in the now relatively peaceful post-riot Bville. However, despite alcohol consumption in the city skyrocketing in the past week, peace still reigned. Perhaps, e thought, it was the very prospect of er wrath that was keping the peace. Yes, surely that was it. E put er feet up on the desk, content that existing was all that was needed in this job. A sudden knock on the door interrupted er reverie.
     "Come in."
Two male players entered. The leading one had a faint aura about him of almost intangible power, and a smug look about his face. Copper recognized em as The Voice, one of the leading players in Bville. The second player wore an emblem on his tunic, a crowned squirrel set on a cross, and a worried look on his face. "Baron! What a pleasant surprise!" Copper greeted er creator happily. "And your Voiceness," his tone changing to worry at the look on BvS's face, "what brings you here today? Not another riot, I hope?" "Go ahead, Baron," The Voice said, with the air of a great orator, and the voice to match, "Tell him."
     "Copper, he's subpoenaed us."
"And Wonko. Apparently, you're not Idol-compliant. Nobody knows what effect you'll have on the Immunity Idol, so /he/," jerking a thumb at The Voice, who was looking around the office with a faint sneer on his face, "wants you and Guido liquidated." "Liquidated, my good Baron? Hardly. They don't exist. The laws of the Nomiverse say that they cannot exist. Once the courts recognize this, they will return to where they came from." With this, The Voice pulled a sheet out of his robe, presenting it to Copper. "A petition to have your existence invalidated." "But there's only one signature on this, yours! How is this a petition?" "Baron, can't you create intelligent Gremlins? Never mind, I suppose you'll get it eventually. Just keep trying to propose things. Gremlin, it only takes one to CFJ. Now then, as you can see, since the rule that created you did not edit R293, you can?t exist.? ?Baron, isn?t there anything you can do?? Copper asked plaintively. ?I don?t want to not exist!? The Baron suddenly looked thoughtful. ?Voice, give me that CFJ a second?? He read it over once or twice, then spoke with renewed hope. ?Well, it seems there is really only that one problem. Copper, would you take this down and send it off to the Admin??

Add the following k:-O delimited text to the end of the list in Rule 293:

10) May NOT be apprehended by the Police Gremlin, unless eir BAC is greater than or equal to 5, in which event they are still apprehended, but no points are taken from em.

A flicker of surprise shot over The Voice?s features, but was soon suppressed, and the old smug look came back. ?Good, Baron. You are getting better at this yet, but you have forgotten something important. If this CFJ is judged before voting ends, your original rule will not exist.? The Baron?s surprise was not as well contained as The Voice?s. ?I just fixed the problem, Voice! What more do you want from me?? BvS was spared the Voice?s answer by Copper?s secretary entering the room. E looked briefly at the players standing there, glaring knives at each other, and placed a copy of the Friday Morning Daily Recognizer on Copper?s desk and walked out. Copper looked at the two players, who, having recovered from the interruption, were having a heated argument. He wondered if it might be simpler to arrest The Voice for causing a disturbance, but then his eye fell on one of the headlines.
     ?Baron?? e called.
     BvS turned. ?What??
     ?You might want to look at this.?
Baron von Skippy read the proffered paper. ?Proposals, CFJs? oh, it?s this CFJ. Let?s see?? E read for a few seconds, then looked up at The Voice with a fire in his eyes. E cleared his throat and read the article. ??The Admin today announced that the CFJ brought forth by The Voice against Baron von Skippy and Wonko is illegal under the rules because it names more than one player as Defendant.? Well, Voice, I do believe that concludes our business here.?
     ?What? That?s impossible.?
     ?I?m afraid it?s not just possible, it?s happened. Now, please leave.?
?This isn?t over, Baron! I?ll CFJ you and Wonko separately! The people must know of your violation of the laws!?
     ?Copper, kindly show this gentleman the door.?
After The Voice had been removed from the building, BvS and Copper held an emergency meeting. ?I have a plan, Copper. E?ll CFJ again, but we can protect ourselves. You won?t cease existing if I can help it. I wrote this up while you were dragging em out into the street:

If Rule 501 has been removed from the ruleset, create a new rule with the following +0:-) delimited text:

There exists a Gremlin known as the Police Gremlin, or Copper. If Beer Cans exist, and one is thrown, and Copper is within one space of the person who threw it before it hits, Copper apprehends the player who threw the can.

When Copper apprehends a player for throwing a Beer Can, Copper takes 1dN points from that player, where N is ((the thrower's BAC + 1)(the number of times the thrower has been apprehended before + 1))/(that player's Respect + 1), rounded up, and gives half that number of points, rounded up, to the Gremlin Fund, and half that number of points, rounded down, to the player who was hit with the Beer Can.

Any player may, at any time, any number of times per nweek, move Copper one space in any direction by paying 1 point/space.

If Copper does not apprehend any players for 2 nweeks, e goes into Hiding. If a Beer Can is thrown, and e is in Hiding, e comes out of Hiding.

     ?But that?s the original rule!?
?Yes, but this time the R293 problem has been fixed. However, if the original rule is deleted, it?ll need to be reinstated to make the R293 revision you sent in earlier do anything.?
     ?I see.?
     ?Well, I must be going. Good luck, Copper.?
     ?Goodbye, Baron, and thank you.?

Sorry that was so long. I hope I got all the pronouns in it right...


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